To The Mom Who Is Questioning Herself...

With all this Social Media there is one thing that I've noticed, everything is out there to question your ability to basically be a human being. There are "Life Hacks" for everything. Pinterest has every possible way to make your house, your kids, your family, your marriage, your dinner, and your dog.... Perfect. There are articles at our fingertips that make us question ourselves every day, whether we like it or not. I just want to sit and browse through the Facebook feed and BOOM! "Are you Poisoning Your Child?!" Of course I click on it and it is someone explaining every ingredient in Mac and Cheese that is going to put my kid in a whirlwind of obesity and depression and it is MY FAULT because some days, heaven forbid, I am just too tired to make a well-balanced, every food group called-for meal.

I've also noticed, with myself, I hear and read about "Fat Bashing" "Breast Feeding Bashing" Bottle-Feeding Bashing" "Discipline Bashing" Bash bash bash bash bash... I don't question others, I question myself. So, I am pro-circumcision, does that make me a bad person? I'm pro-vaccination, does that make me a bad person? I don't vacuum my house every day, does that make me a bad person? I question myself as a mom, EVERY SINGLE DAY and the Internet makes it 100 times easier to do so. There are those moms out there whose house is spotless, nothing out of place, her 4 kids are perfectly dressed in ironed clothes, hair in place, she makes all organic meals and carries snacks every where she goes, she drives the perfect black SUV with tinted windows and has the top-of-the-line car seats for all her kids. I'm over here with snot on my shirt, putting my kid in the corner for tying a scarf around his brother and dragging him around the house, making lunch of mac & cheese, trying to get a load of laundry going so the mountain of clothes isn't SO tall, trying to turn on a show on Netflix to entertain the scarf victim while discipline the guilty party. I question myself Every. Single. Day.

How do these mom's do it perfectly?

I am the one that sees others and compares them..... to myself. I'm not keeping my house clean enough, I'm not taking my kids to the park enough, I'm not teaching my children enough. I would wake up every morning and start cleaning. Front of the house to the back.... Before breakfast and a shower. Then, I would keep cleaning. With a 2 and 3 year old, after I was done cleaning, I would start over again because toys would be scattered across the floor in every room.

One day, I decided I was too exhausted to deep clean my house. My kids played, I left the toys. There were dirty dishes, I left them. There was a pile of dirty laundry, I stepped over it. Around 4 PM, I decided to throw a load of laundry in, only to hear a knock at my door and a 'Hello! Just stopped by to say hi!" (My laundry room is at the back of my house) this person walked ALL THE WAY THROUGH my horribly dirty house. The first thing I did.... Apologize for a dirty house. Why!? Because I have been told from different sources that I should always have a clean house, my kid should look perfect.... Not in a diaper and cowboy boots like they were... I was so embarrassed. I couldn't even pay attention to the conversation, I tried to casually pick up toys off the floor while talking. Not that she didn't notice I have two little boys running around... No, in my head my house and life needed to be perfect. How ridiculous! What was I thinking?!

And, then I realized... Who cares?! My kids love me. That is all that matters. Some day I'm going to have a perfectly clean house with beige carpet and a manicured lawn with no trikes on lawn and chalk covering the sidewalks. I'm going to have well-balanced meals and no laundry pile. I'm not going to have my hair thrown up in a messy ponytail. I will have time and money to go to the salon regularly. I will wear make-up everyday, or more than just Sunday mornings. I will have time to sit and read a book quietly in a "reading chair", I will have a quiet conversation with my husband about his day without interruptions, I will go on dates with my husband regularly without tag-a-longs, I will be able to test that new recipe I've been dying to try, I will be able to buy that blouse that is out of my price range and not shop at Goodwill on a regular basis for all my clothes and my kids clothes, I will actually have a realistic grocery budget and not have to scrounge for meals those last 3 days before payday....

But, you know what will be missing? The tiny little giggles and "Mommy, I Love You's", The "Mommy, I want to sleep in your bed tonight" (Which is also an internet no-no.... Co-Sleeping... How dare you!), The little hands who reach up and grab yours, the funny conversations with a 3-year-old, the tiny underwear that come through the laundry that makes me giggle every time because of their size, the pillow fights, the movie nights, the grocery shopping buddies who take up the whole cart, my two sidekicks who keep me going, The kid shows that run continuously which in a way are somewhat entertaining especially when you know every answer on Super Why!.

My kids are going to grow up. They are going to graduate high school. They are going to move on and away. They will be married someday. And, my house will be clean and quiet.... And, I will want ALL of this back, even just for one day. The messy house, the dirty dishes, the Kraft mac and cheese, the co-sleepers, the poopy diapers, the little hugs.

Cherish every moment. You only get them once. Ignore all those stupid articles that make you question yourself as a mom. You are a PERFECT mom for your kids. You are doing the best you can. They love you and wouldn't want anyone else as their mom. Who cares if your house is a mess, your hair hasn't been washed in 3 days, and you know every word to every theme song to every PBS Kids show.....

You are amazing.

Enjoy the chaos!