So, yesterday I came to a conclusion being a stay-at-home mom and wife. And, I think this happens to women who work also, and women who don't have children....
I clean my house every day. I usually vacuum every day. I do the dishes, change diapers, take care of 2 kids, shower with kids in the bathroom with me, makes beds, do laundry, make meals, play referee, etc. All in the span of the 8-9 hours Lyndon is at work. Then, when he is home I am still doing the mommy thing... Dinner, dishes, bath time, jammies... The list goes on and on.
In the (Almost) 3 years I have been staying home with kids, I swear, every day as I am cleaning I think... "Man, Lyndon will love what the house looks like when he gets home." I make a meal and think, "Lyndon loves this meal, he will be so excited that I made it." But every day I get let down.
I guess I just waited for him each day to come, sweep me off my feet with flowers in his hand, tell me the house is beautiful, I am beautiful, don't worry about making dinner he will take care of it, just to put my feet up and watch some TV in bed, he will do the rest. When he walks into each room he notices the details, Wow... You mopped the floors, and scrubbed the stove? The laundry is done and put away? The kids are clean and changed and LOOK! You even taught them something new today. You, my wife, are fantastic. You deserve a vacation! Then, he kisses me and tells me how amazed he is at the woman he married. How blessed he is.
I WISH!
Men don't notice things.
Last night I brought it up to him. Yeah- Maybe my description is a little dramatic, or a lot... Because if he didn't that I would be TOTALLY freaked out. But, I think as a mom and wife all I am looking for respect from my husband for what I do each day.
Men don't realize how much we do on a daily basis. It is normally organized chaos in my house and by the time he gets home, it looks the way it does every day. Even though the process was crazy. Cleaning up toilet paper that has been unraveled in the bathroom, water spilled in the kitchen, clothing pulled from drawers, toys everywhere... At the end of the day it looks like I have it (Pretty much) together.
So, I talked to him about it. I told him I wasn't sure why we as mom's sit in silent anger because our spouses don't notice the details. I think it comes down to we both have to give on each side. Lyndon won't notice the details, but maybe he could try harder when he walks through the door to find one thing... Oh! You cleaned the toy room... Looks great! And I need to give in to the fact that he will not notice that I dusted above the cupboards or organized the kids books on the shelf. It was almost freeing to talk to him about it. Something we both are working on. I don't just do everything for credit, don't get me wrong, but in every other profession you get rewarded for a job well done. You get promotions, higher pay, employee of the month, recognition at a company dinner, etc. What do mom's get? Ehhh.... A dirty diaper and then the naked kid running away from you?
Don't sit in silent anger. Talk to your spouse about it. It really does help. Life and parenthood is all a journey and I am just learning the whole way. I make mistakes but I want to be honest with myself and others. There are definitely dark times in life, but also the triumphs. We just have to be honest about them all.
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